For What It's Worth
by Yamiga
Summary: An accidental kiss reveals hidden emotions that both Djinn and Master feel the need to either confront of ignore. And while things don't go exactly as planned, both found it worth it in the end.


**Summary: An accidental kiss reveals hidden emotions that both Djinn and Master feel the need to either confront of ignore. And while things didn't go exactly as planned, both found it worth it in the end.**

* * *

Nathaniel's eyes opened when he realized what was doing.

The cold lips of the djinn upon his, were so soft and tempting that he couldn't control his own urges. His own hands began caressing the skin of the djinn before him. Nathaniel wasn't aware of his own foolish actions as he looked the creature in the eyes, allowing a seductive feeling to overcome him. He felt the djinn's fingers crawling up his back through the jacket of his suit.

Everything was so right...it was so perfect. It seemed as if this moment belonged.

However, like always, when things were going right, Mandrake had to let his pride take over him and completely ruin the situation and without a second thought, he roughly pushed the Djinn off of him and glared.

Bartimaeus fell on his bottom and hit the ground with a thud. He only stared, looking up with obvious confusion written all over his face.

"What gives?!" He asked, crossing his arms. John Mandrake only scowled.

"What on earth were you doing?" Mandrake yelled, but he looked rather confused himself. "I am your master!"

Bartimaeus looked a little confused as he stood up, dusting himself off. "So you didn't like it?" He smiled. "You reacted_"

"Silence!"He bellowed. "How dare you put your putrid lips upon mine! You are a demon, a vile creature, not capable of love!" Mandrake smiled at the change in Bartimaeus face, the creature actually looked hurt.

"Ha!" He bellowed. "I'm in capable of love, coming from a man who has absolutely no feelings, who cares only about his ranking and power and will crush anyone in his path! You dare say that I am capable of no love, yet not a person on this Earth will ever shed an ounce of emotion for you!"

"Know your master_"

"Yes, my master, and I have had many before you." His voice darkened. "And all of you have been the same. Emotionless, prideful, and above all, you lack true relationships!"

"You know nothing about that_"

"If you magicians had an ounce of love, for anything other than your own selfish needs, then your parents, would never have abandoned you! And that goes for all of you! I know...I know I can't truly speak for humans, but why would a parent ever abandon a child?"

Mandrake felt his skin pale and his hair stand on the back of his neck. The creature saw this only as an opportunity to continue.

"You are all the same. You abandon your children so as not to form bonds, relationships! And you claim we have no love, no emotions, you can't bare to see your own child."

There was a dangerous silence that went through the room as master and servant stared at each other. Mandrake sent Bartimaeus a lethal look, only receiving a chuckle from the djinn. "Did that hurt you?"

"Know your place." The magician spoke.

"And you know yours." The djinn replied. "Don't throw yourself upon me only to dote down upon me."

The magician gasped. "I threw myself upon you?" He laughed. "You were the one who stared at me, casting a charm on me, how dare you!"

Bartimaeus sighed. "Perhaps it hasn't dawned upon you, but you are a human being, subjected to human emotions." He clenched his fist. "Can you not just own up to the fact that you may just be attracted to me?"

Mandrake looked as if someone had struck him in the face. His heart began to beat faster than ever before as he felt the bile rise in his throat.

"Mind yourself, demon! I am not your precious Ptolemy!" Something changed in Bartimaeus' eyes, something became more demonic more lethal.

Within seconds, the djinn's harsh fist made solid connection with Mandrake's cheek. The magician flew into his bookshelf, crying in pain as his books fell upon him. He felt a warm liquid oozing from his cheeks, blood.

Quickly, regaining his pride, he stood up, glaring dangerously at the creature. "You have done it now, demon."

Bartimaeus didn't move an inch, he only stared at the magician with an emotionless expression. "Just get it over with then_"

"Get out of my sight." He spat, rubbing the blood from his cheek. He felt fire burn in his chest when he realized that djinn stood his ground.

"GET OUT OF MY SIGHT! STAND HERE ANOTHER SECOND AND I WILL MAKE SURE YOU DON'T LEAVE THIS ROOM ALIVE." He took a deep breath. "Do not return to me, until you are summoned. Then, I'll decide your punishment."

The Djinn only vanished, leaving an angry Nathaniel to himself.

He kicked a book and began to angrily pace the room. "What does that stupid thing know about love? And how dare it suggest I actually..." He stopped for a while, feeling a great amount of sympathy for Bartimaeus. This change of feelings was strange, but Nathaniel only submitted to it as he found himself sitting in his desk chair and reflecting.

If anyone knew him, it had to be Bartimaeus and as stingy as the djinn was, he was right about anything when it came to Nathaniel.

The boy knew he felt something above a master slave bond for the djinn. Friendship, perhaps, though he wouldn't call the two friends. Well, it depended on the situations, and the two had encountered many situations. Numerous times, Bartimaeus had saved Nathaniels life and well, of course that was his job. However, Nathaniel loved to think that there was a connotation beneath that obligation, that somehow...what if the djinn actually wanted to save him.

Nathaniel, still thinking, began to tap on his desk, looking out of the window. Where was Bartimaeus now?

The boy felt stupid, and selfish... But he wanted to prove Bartimaeus wrong, he wanted to prove to him that he was capable of love. After all...was it not true that he perhaps, loved Bartimaeus?

* * *

"That son of a bitch!" Bartimaeus had said for about the hundredth time, pacing angrily in an alley. "How dare he insult me? How dare he insult...insult Ptolemy!?"

Many emotions raced through Bartimaeus, emotions he was very unfamiliar with. He found himself sliding down the wall of the alley, hugging his knees to himself. There was a puddle of water on his side and absent mindedly, he looked at his own_ Ptolemy's reflection.

"I'm sorry." He said, but not sure what for. Was it his fault that Ptolemy's name was brought into the argument? Perhaps...The fact that he actually reacted to the kiss, the fact that he couldn't make up his own mind afterwards.

Who's fault was this, the kiss, anyway? Bartimaeus couldn't really remember how it happened, it just did and while they were in "their moment", everything felt right. But that stupid Magician, Mandrake, had to ruin everything!

Bartimaeus should have known, that nothing good could ever bloom from their actions, at all. And not just this silly kiss, but everything. What was he playing at, what were they playing at? Hatred and insults aside, they were both right when it came to love. A magician couldn't feel love any more than a djinn could. Well, at least the magician had the upper hand, being human, but still.

"What a pity." Bartimaeus stood, feeling like a fool. A fool for having hope that Nathaniel would perhaps love him...that he would perhaps love Nathaniel. Nathaniel was long gone, all that was left in his wake was John Mandrake.

"The kid's probably gonna kill me." And he was dead serious, well...it wasn't like he could die. His essence wouldn't allow that, but he'd be flogged up enough to get sent back to the Other Place in pieces. He almost laughed at that thought, Mandrake getting his revenge.

He'd just have to sit there, and accept all those punishments, and doing so, he'd imagine his Nathaniel. The kind hearted, curious boy, the boy that would never hurt a human being, the boy that reminded him so much of Ptolemy.

* * *

Night had fallen and Mandrake inhaled deeply.

He sat on his bed, staring at the pentacle in the center of his wooden floor. He shivered slightly, as a cold draft blew through his room. His window was open, and the moon was brighter than ever, illuminating his pale ghost like skin.

Are you ready? He asked himself, finding these hours of hesitation childish. He was afraid to face Bartimaeus, afraid of what to say...afraid of what the djinn would say. Regardless he had to be a man about what he had done earlier, and decide whether he wanted this night to have a positive, or a negative outcome.

He muttered the enchantment and watched the paranormal activity occur within the circle. Seconds bore a very groggy looking Djinn as he appeared. He still utilized Ptolemy's form, wearing jeans and a jacket.

"Make it quick." He spat, angrily.

Nathaniel only rose and eyebrow, surprised by Bartimaeus' outburst. Not only did he know the Djinn was still angry at him, but now he figured it would be even harder to explain himself.

"I apologize, for what I said to you earlier. It was hurtful and_"

"Save it, I know you don't mean a bit of it." He glared at Nathaniel as if he was trying to intimate the boy, and for a while, it seemed to work. Nathaniel actually looked frightened, despite the distance both he and the djinn held.

"You don't mean a bit of it. You and all you other magicians have far too much pride to acknowledge your faults!" Bartimaeus found himself taking a step forward and much to his surprise, there were absolutely no restrictions within the summoning circle. Confused for a bit, Bartimaeus stood there, frozen, letting wild emotions run through his face. He tried to speak, but he was unsure of what to say so he only stood there and looked at Nathaniel curiously.

"I didn't feel the need to." Nathaniel spoke softly, seeing the question form in Bartimaeus' lips. "I trusted that you wouldn't harm me, just as I won't harm you."

"And what if I do harm you?" Bartimaeus asked, fully out of the circle. He knew that question had shocked Nathaniel, as he saw the boy pale a bit, and instantly, he regretted it. "I'm just playing with you, no need to look so alarmed."

Nathaniel's face warmed up instantly as he stood and walked towards Bartimaeus. Thank God Ptolemy's form made Bartimaeus at least two feet smaller than Nathaniel, he felt a little safer being able to look down at Bartimaeus rather than up.

"Do you forgive me, Bartimaeus? And please believe, this...this is a genuine apology. What I said earlier- everything - that was wrong. I'm asking for your forgiveness. It wasn't my place to insult your previous master, as he was a renown magician."

Bartimaeus frowned and crossed his arms. "So are you sorry because you insulted me, or because Ptolemy was a magician?"

Nathaniel looked confused but shook his head. The djinn watched as his shaggy black hair fell in his eyes, and as he crossed his arms. Nathaniel only wore a shirt and slacks. His sleeves were rolled him and his tie was missing, as his top three buttons weren't fastened. He appeared very relax and surprisingly, very mature. He looked older, he sounded older, he acted older. His once meatless arms had a good amount of muscle to them, and Bartimaeus wasn't even going to get started on his chest. He'd seen the boy shirtless once or twice and truly, that had taken the djinn's breath away.

"Both." Nathaniel had answered Bartimaeus' question. "From now on, I won't say things like that anymore."

"Oh...um...well, I accept your apology, I guess." He sighed. "I, I'm sorry too, and I...okay." What was with Nathaniel's change in personality? Now he was confusing Bartimaeus, he couldn't read the boy at all.

"Do you think I'm capable of love?" Nathaniel's impatient voice caused Bartimaeus to stare wide eyed

"What_"

"When we were arguing, you said I wasn't capable of love because, I'm a magician."

"And you said I was incapable of love because I'm a djinn- but I think you used the word 'demon'. You know that hurts right? That's like me calling you prick every day."

Nathaniel frowned. "Again, I apologize." He took a deep breath. "And I have a confession to make, please don't judge me."

"Well, I'm all ears." Bartimaeus sat down, and surprisingly, so did Nathaniel.

"I thought about everything we said...I made sense of it all. It took a while, but I finally understood it, everything, why we are the way we are...why we are...why we even kissed each other in the first place. Everything, every being is capable of love, at least I'd love to think. You loved Ptolemy, did you not."

There was a pregnant pause, but he nodded. "I loved Mrs. Underwood...Mrs. Lutyens, and..." Nathaniel smiled as if he was waiting to get to this point. "I love you."

Bartimaeus attempted to speak, but Nathaniel cut him off. "It all makes sense, everything, you can't deny it. The kiss from earlier, our relationship, we argue, we have moments, we know each other! Bartimaeus, you know me more than anyone on this Earth, and while I can't say the same for you...I know you well enough!"

The djinn shook his head. "You're just overthinking it Natty. Please remember, that I'm a djinn, a spirit, a 'demon', you're a boy, a human, a magician. It's not normal for..."

Nathaniel scowled. "Bartimaeus, I thought this over, I love you. Please don't try to tell me otherwise."

"I don't even have a true form, so I don't know what you_don't touch my face like that." But the boy ignored the djinn as he rubbed the soft brown skin. "What about that Farrar girl?'

"Jane?" Nathaniel found himself crawling over towards Nathaniel with a smirk on his face. "She's nothing, just an opponent, that's all."

"And there you go, speaking like a self conceited magician again _Nathaniel, that's uncomfortable."

The boy presently rubbed his warm lips against the djinn's cold neck. It would've been a dream come true if Bartimaeus would allow himself to fall backward. The thought of being able to climb on top of him and do terrible things flustered Nathaniel.

Damn testosterone, this was what happened when you only had a djinn to keep you company during puberty. Years of sexual tension and frustration had led to this; Nathaniel wanting to fuck the essence out of his djinn. Bartimaeus seemed to know this.

"Nathaniel, stop." Not that he didn't enjoy the lips upon his neck, but he didn't like this sudden change in Nathaniel, in addition, the boy needed to be aware that people did spy on them. Lower imps of the sort sent by rival magicians could peek into the room at any moment.

"Admit it, you like it, don't you?" He lifted a black eyebrow. "Just like earlier, don't accuse me of ruining the moment if you're about to back out."

"You really want your first to be your djinn?"

"Bartimaeus?"

"Well, the way you're acting doesn't say otherwise. You're just a love crazed boy, you're going through a phase. When Farrar comes parading by you tomorrow, you'll surely_"

And that did it.

Nathaniel slammed his lips upon Bartimaeus' causing the Djinn to fall back. Nathaniel landed awkwardly on top of him, not daring to break the kiss.

This is not happening. Bartimaeus thought. Nathaniel, is so stupid_

As if Bartimaeus' essence was shaken up enough, the boy began touching him in very strange places and inevitably, a very strange squeal escaped Bartimaeus lips. That caused Nathaniel to break away from him and stare. A grin made its way to his face.

"You like it."

"Nathaniel, please listen to yourself...I, ugh...I love you, okay. I do not feel right admitting that, and you shouldn't feel right admitting that to me either. We are supposed to have that simple master servant bond! A relationship, between a djinn and a human , is unheard of, more importantly you're my master! That is wrong Nathaniel, it is unnatural and_"

Curse Bartimaeus for picking Ptolemy's form because Nathaniel was easily able to pick him up and softly toss him on the bed. In addition, Bartimaeus was partly mad at himself for not putting up a real fight.

"Can't you just accept change, Bartimaeus? This is a good change...we can be more than master and servant, and you know that! Don't you also long for the day when Djinn and humana will be able to be on equal terms, hand in hand?"

Nathaniel's word's had taken Bartimaeus back years as he remembered Ptolemy saying something very similar. That thought was what differed Ptolemy from others and now, those words were what allowed Bartimaeus to finally submit to Nathaniel.

"Do what you want, but I'm in charge." Bartimaeus smiled as he switched their positions, finding himself on top of Nathaniel. His fingers made way to unbutton the boys blouse.

"Please remember, Bartimaeus, that I am still your master." Nathaniel's tone was harsh, almost sounding like Mandrake's. It caused Bartimaeus to pause for a while and stare. Nathaniel took this as his chance to again, flip their positions. "I want to be in charge."

Feeling a sigh of relief and understanding what Nathaniel meant, Bartimaeus smiled. "We'll see it about that, boy." And with that, that magicians shirt was torn from his body. Nathaniel smirked as he saw Bartimaeus staring at muscular chest.

"Well someone has been working out."

"Does that turn you on?"

If Bartimaeus could, he'd blush. "It'll take more than a desperate boy to turn me on. I'm old, I need something exciting."

Nathaniel chuckled. "Well then, I'll take my time messing you up all night."

"We'll see."

And with that, the magician went in for the deadly prey.

* * *

**Originally, there was going to be more, but the last time I added a light yaoi scene, my story was deleted and my account was suspended for three days. Since then I've had a sour view on the admins and mods, it seems like they just pick favorites. So, if you want the full chapter, which I'll update in a few hours, then it'll either be on AO3 or DA. I'll link it on my page.**

**Hope you liked it! It's been a couple of years since I've read the Trilogy so some things may be different. Please tell me what you think, I may make a sequel.**

**I don't own the Bartimaeus Trilogy.**


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